The Importance of Taking a Break

We are lucky to live in a world of technology, where entertainment is endless and boredom is scarce. Waiting at the Doctors office? Just pull out your phone and scroll. In the mood to listen to that song from that boy band you can’t remember the name of, but know all the words to the song? Apple Music has you covered; just type in some lyrics and it will do the searching for you. Kids today will never know the feeling of being timed as you call your cousin after school to see how their day was because your parents didn’t want you tying up the telephone line. Oh, or how about the dial-up Internet! I'll never forget when we upgraded to Verizon direct and could call people while being online. Those were simpler times when we had to depend on our imagination to get us through just about everything. Think about how much rest and exercise our brain got back then compared to now. We are now accustomed to being busy and forget to take a minute and rest. That’s how it was for me in all aspects of my life, especially dating. We live in an era where you're supposed to be married, have a baby, and own your first home before reaching your 30's because it'll apparently be too late then. Also, the only way to get a date is by downloading a number of apps and swiping through faces hoping that someone likes your picture too so you can match and text each other for the next three days. Just typing that line exhausted me. Today I want to talk to you about the importance of taking a break from the chaos of life and learning how to spend time alone without distraction.

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Social Media

I have an iPhone and it does this neat thing where it tells me how much screen time I’ve spent on my phone for the day or the last seven days. It breaks it down into social networking, productivity, and a few other categories. Last week I spent three hours and thirty minutes per day on my phone. That sounds like a lot, but let me tell you that it isn’t even close to how bad it used to be. At the beginning of May, I made the executive decision to delete my Facebook and Snapchat app but left my Instagram open. I knew that this month would be a difficult one for me because we would be falling on the one-year mark of my grandfathers passing. I'm not the greatest with death and I wasn’t taught proper coping mechanisms, so I thought that taking a break from social networking and focusing more on myself could help. I found that by replacing my social networking with meditation apps like Headspace and Calm helped with my anxiety and made me more self-aware. Instead of scrolling through Facebook I would scroll through Pinterest and let the creative side of my brain exercise for a change. I even finished reading a book I had been working on for months, it wasn’t a difficult read but when scrolling through Facebook takes less attention and energy why bother reading a book? I believe my exercise was a success and I’m thinking of keeping my Facebook app deleted permanently and just checking my account when I’m on my laptop. If you feel like you’ve been overwhelmed lately and notice yourself becoming distracted by social media, a break could be just what you need. I also advise that you try the apps Headspace or Calm and see if they help quiet your busy mind.

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Dating

I spent five years of my life in a toxic relationship and when we broke up in 2015 I jumped right into another relationship. I thought because the relationship was long distance it would work, well I was wrong. So after that relationship, I thought I would have the famous ‘fling stage' everyone talks about. That ended up being a bad time too, so when I moved to Tennessee I decided to start with a clean slate. I got ghosted for the first time and bullied into a relationship for a couple of months. Then I met my most recent ex and though it was the healthiest relationship I've been in, it still wasn't the healthiest relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend in February after five months of dating. It was a fun five months and we had a lot in common, but I had my worries about the relationship from the beginning. He had broken off his engagement two months prior to our meeting and I was still mourning the loss of my grandfather. We started off as friends meeting in June, but by August we were officially dating. I had worries that when the year mark of his failed engagement came around things might get weird or that we’d possibly split up. Turns out I was right. Instead of following my old pattern and jumping right into the dating pool again I did what I thought was best and took a break from dating.

I’m twenty-seven and I have this crazy fear of being single at thirty. We live in a world where if you don’t accomplish everything in your twenties then you are too late. This impractical deadline is what has driven my fear and forced me into one toxic relationship into another. After my last break up, I had no desire to look for another one right away like I had before. I vowed I would take a year off dating, but my curiosity forced my hand after four months. I went on two coffee dates with two different people and found out I’m still not ready. I’ve spent the last four months traveling and doing things for myself. I went on a spur of the moment trip to California with my older cousin and had the time of my life at Coachella. I’ve dedicated more time to my friends, trying to make lasting relationships with the people who really matter most. I’m finally going to Japan in August to visit one of my best friends. It’s amazing what you can accomplish without the distraction of a relationship. I’m still afraid of being alone at thirty, but I also love sitting on the couch with all three cats and my phone turned off.

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Family

I’m probably going to catch some shade from this topic, but it’s probably the most important. I moved away from home two years ago and since moving I have found I am a better version of myself. The first year of my move I was going home every few months and I would call my parents almost every day, but the event's after my grandfathers passing reminded me why I moved in the first place. Visiting home was like taking steps back in my healing process and instead of drowning myself with the toxic behavior of my family I needed to surround myself with positive influences instead. This past Christmas was my last visit and instead of staying with my parents I stayed with my best friend in her new house instead. This was probably the best visit I’ve had and when I go back in July for a wedding I will be doing the same thing. There are days when I am feeling homesick, but in reality, I'm not homesick I just miss my friends! Taking a break from your family isn’t a crime and you should never feel guilty over it. You have to do what’s best for you and if talking outside the immediate family helps give you a better headspace then do it. It’s okay to have boundaries, it’s okay to stand up for what you want, it is not okay to let others make you feel less than who you are or push you to your breaking point. I love my family, but I won't let them have a say in how I feel anymore.

Your homework from this post is to figure out what you could use a break from. It could be something small like blocking a specific time of the day to be off your phone or maybe cut back on your caffeine consumption and see how that makes your body feel. That’s all I have for now Sunflower, may we speak again soon!